jemjabella - ultimately better than you

Sorry I Keep Going On About It, But…

rev.iew.me - THE website reviewing community opened it’s doors to the initial beta testers 2 weeks ago today, and here we are having amassed 329 users with 2009 points; 740 reviews on 87 sites totalling some 294,715 words; and over 10,000 page views so far today. If you’re interested, have some stats in all their numerical glory…

Google is slowly slipping rev.iew.me into its index… I got a referral via a google search for “jemjabella script security” (of all things) and site:rev.iew.me shows over 440 pages indexed.

StumbleUpon has sent a few hundred hits our way, although I’m not sure if it’s resulted in any sign-ups yet. 8 users (including myself) have added rev.iew.me to their delicious.com accounts and you’re more than welcome to do the same, of course

Over 10% of the rev.iew.me visitors stick around for 1hr or more, and this is a statistic that will have been skewed by StumbleUpon’s “quick hits”, so it may be that significantly more of you are actually spending large amounts of time there.

Browser stats show an unsurprising sway towards Firefox, racking up 69.6% in total. IE users make up approximately 19% which is slightly disappointing, because I still haven’t made a real effort to make the site work in IE (sucks for them, I guess). Glad to see that the majority of IE users are running 7.0, though.

I’ve used 3.6GB bandwidth since the site opened, averaging approximately 400MB a day, so I’m on par to use about 12GB a month. (Who do I send the bill to? Just kidding, just kidding…)

106% of you have added rev.iew.me to your browser favourites. Yes, not sure that one is entirely accurate, somehow.

So there we are. I think I’m allowed to call that a success? I hope to have 500 users by the end of the month, with double the reviews. I’m not sure if that’s a lofty goal, but it’s better to aim high than not bother aiming at all (because then you get piss all over the bathroom floor.)

Nov 19th, 08 @ 21:18 · Network, Updates · 21 Comments

Online Shopping Suggestion

It’s fast approaching that time of year where I’m spending triple-digit sums on crap that people will look at once and then hide in the cupboard until they can find someone else to give it to. I actually quite enjoy spending money on people though, so it’s no big deal.

One thing that does annoy me every year though, is badly designed e-commerce sites. I mean, things have come on in recent years… search features tend to actually work, and products are given various tags and categories. One of my favourite features, seen on the likes of Amazon, Play.com and Boots.com is the ability to narrow down search results or general browsing by clicking on listed categories, price bands, etc.

Unfortunately, what they don’t ever seem to offer is a way to exclude these general sort options. For example, I’m looking on Boots.com for a gift for Anna, and she’s in to girly stuff. I’m looking under “Offers > 3 for 2 Mix & Match on selected Toys & Gifts”, but I want to exclude Toys without having to select one of the other categories. I can’t, which means I’m stuck browsing through page after page of plastic crappy children’s toys.

Of course, the people that need to read this, won’t. And I’ll be here, same time next year, ranting about exactly the same thing…

Nov 18th, 08 @ 23:27 · Internet, Ranting · 8 Comments

Adding a FanUpdate Entry Word Count

This is a rough 30-second guide, code is short & sweet, and I’ve not run the mod past Jenny… but, I’m not one to refuse a request when it’s simple to implement.

In your fanupdate folder (or the root of your website if that’s where you’ve got it installed), open the class folder, and find FanUpdate_Post.php.

Right near the very bottom of the file, look for:
$text = str_replace('{{body}}', $this->getBodyFormatted(), $text);

On a new line right after that one, add:
$text = str_replace('{{word_count}}', str_word_count($this->getBody()), $text);

Now, in your blog control panel, go to Options -> Templates, and in the entry_template: box put {{word_count}} where you’d like the word count to appear. E.g. on a default install, I edited the following line:
<p class="catfile">Posted {{date}}. Filed under {{category}}. {{comment_link}}. Word Count: {{word_count}}</p>

Save your settings and refresh your blog, it should appear exactly where you placed it.

Nov 17th, 08 @ 19:54 · Coding · 6 Comments

Tongue Health

I don’t know if any of you have ever watched one of those dodgy diet shows… wannabe doctor-cum-nutritionist types who stand there shouting at fatties about how if they don’t stop eating crap they’re going to die tomorrow, all the while probably fantasising about sinking their teeth into the big cream buns and greasy, lovely chips stacked high on the table (designed to make the fatty feel guilty… personally I think I’d start tucking in, you know?)

Anyway, they always seem to talk about the tongue. Apparently, the tongue is the gateway to the body and reflects the general health of a person, bla bla bla. I always considered it a load of bollocks, personally. It’s just a slimy pink thing in your gob, isn’t it?

Except, it clearly isn’t. When I got sick, I noticed almost straight away that my tongue went from its normal healthy looking pink colour to a weird off-pink, coated in a thick layer of white crap. I have no idea what it was, and you probably don’t care for the details. Nonetheless, it would have been obvious just from my tongue that something was not right in my guts.

I was brushing my teeth yesterday before bed, and when I stuck my tongue out to brush it (did you know that it’s estimated as much as 50% of the bacteria in the mouth is found on the surface of the tongue? source) I noticed that it was back to its lovely pink self again, with no white coating or grossness.

I did a little dance in the bathroom.

Nov 17th, 08 @ 18:56 · Personal, Rambling · 18 Comments

On the Contrary

There was a thread from a lame-o myspace forum that popped up in the rev.iew.me referrals (nearly 300 members now btw).

Apparently, we all suck because one or two of us like Diane’s layout (that big one I linked the other day). Apparently, only plain layouts are trendy in our world and it’s all because that awful “jembella is a bitch” or something along those lines. Apparently, one must get a review from a good site to combat our bias towards this style of layout.

How one goes about getting a review from a website, as opposed to the standard method of getting one through a person? I do not know.

Of course, the funny thing is, I have two favourite styles of layout. Simple, ordered and “white-space blessed”, and then on the opposite end of the scale… huge, colourful gorgeous things that take up your screen and explode your eyeballs. The only problem is, I can think of maybe one person who does that kind of layout well, and that’s Rose. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen anything that pushes boundaries and succeeds. No, I don’t call your dodgy celebrity blends (see: BANNERS) “pushing boundaries”.

I do request, however, that if you wish to insult me in the future, at least spell my name right you idiot.

Edit: Aw, he apologised. How sweet.

Had to remove the sweary words. Apparently triggered a few people’s internet filter. Oops.

Nov 16th, 08 @ 22:32 · Drama · 19 Comments

Typical Man - Sex on the Brain

Jem: I’ll pop your drivers license in my purse
Karl: Is that some kind of sexual metaphor, for later?

Yes dear, yes it is.

Nov 15th, 08 @ 14:01 · Funny · 23 Comments

The Penis Font

I’ve just been linked to this:

Where can I get me the penis font?

Nov 14th, 08 @ 20:05 · Funny, Internet · 28 Comments